A double blessing: two sons at last! I was finally living the dream God had for me. Proverbs 13:12 had been my comfort. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. I had crossed over to the other side of that equation. Another child–my tree of life. His purpose, His plan for me was motherhood! It was why I was created. It gave me reason to flourish and fight, to be complete and competent within the passions He’d birthed inside of me. Everything I ever desired and determined to become was within the realm of nourishing another life. It gave me reason to get up in the morning and set me back on my pillow at night with the greatest peace and contentment I had ever known. I wanted to scream at the top of my voice, ‘This is the real me!” Motherhood was my God-created role. The desire of my heart had been fulfilled at last. I was nearly euphoric. So why another obstacle?
It happened so quickly I couldn’t shield him from the fall. My heel caught in a crack in the driveway and I was on the ground before I knew what happened. Our seven-week old son hit the pavement before I did. We had waited over nine years for a second child. Would God take back what He had just given? Our son’s quiet demeanor frightened us so we drove to an immediate care center near our home. I paniced with the diagnosis: his eyes weren’t responding to light so they suspected neurological damage. Nearly hysterical from their report and my own guilt, I cried out to the Lord. I’ll never forget racing down the street behind a screaming siren while paramedics attended to my little one. I should have been in the back of that ambulance. He was my child but they shut me out. Weakened by the blow of the moment, I had to be intentional with my response of faith. In desperation, the Word of God suddenly began to spew out of my mouth. It was all I had–my very lifeline! I literally screamed scriptures out loud in the car whether they applied to the moment or not. Because I had been studying the Bible, I had an arsenal available. It was by His stripes my son would be healed. No weapon formed against him would prosper. He was fearfully and wonderfully made. All his days were written down in God’s book before he was born. I declared God’s promises through tears and fears. It was my spiritual warfare!
God provided. A prayer chain spread throughout our church within minutes, and pastors awaited us in the emergency room. While my flesh wanted to wring my hands in desperation, the Lord called me to open my hands toward Him in worship. It wasn’t easy to walk through this trial, especially when we were questioned for child abuse on top of it. In my innocence, I had no idea that we were sitting in front of a detective sent to investigate us before we could see our baby. My flesh didn’t feel like focusing on Jesus during this dark hour, but I had to make a decision to cling to Him with all my might. He was our only hope! I didn’t do everything right, but I was learning. The Lord protected our son and covered this situation with His grace and healing. After an agonizing overnight stay, they released him with a good report. They couldn’t find one thing wrong with him no matter how many tests they performed. How I praised God for reversing our crisis! His covering was literally thrown over us defending, guarding, and keeping away all harm. His Word did not return void but accomplished what He purposed. The Lord watched over His Word to perform it. If God’s word had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction.
Someone once told me: Never doubt in the dark what God tells you in the light. Be intentional about consistently filling up your arsenal. Make the Bible a familiar friend even when you don’t have a need. Get to know Him in the light so when the trials come…your lifeline will be waiting.